Jests › Wedding and best man speech jokes that stay kind
Wedding and best man speech jokes that stay kind
A good wedding joke gets a laugh from the whole room, including the grandparents, and leaves the couple glowing. Here are clean lines, where to place them and what to leave out.
The golden rule: tease lightly, praise sincerely
The best man's job is to make the room like the groom more, not less. A gentle tease about something everyone already knows (he is always late, he cannot cook, he once spent twenty minutes choosing a sandwich) works because it is affectionate. Anything the couple would not want their boss, their gran or their future children to hear should stay in the pub.
A simple structure many speakers use: a line to open, a short story, a joke or two inside it, a sincere moment, then the toast. Keep the whole thing near five minutes. Jokes work better when they are short and the story around them is true.
Openers
- For those who do not know me, I am the best man. The groom tells me that is the only competition he has ever let me win.
- I was told to keep this speech short, simple and sincere. So I have stopped at the first one.
- I have known the groom for years, and in all that time I have never seen him this nervous. Not even when I let him drive.
- A best man's speech should be like a good sandwich: short enough to finish and full enough to enjoy. I have only managed the first part.
Jokes about the groom (gentle)
- He told me he was going to take the wedding planning seriously. He has checked the weather forecast twice.
- He has finally found someone who laughs at all his jokes. That is the real reason he proposed.
- His idea of romance used to be sharing the last chip. I am told he has upgraded to the last two.
- Our friend has always been good with directions. He gets us lost, then calmly explains where we are.
Jokes about marriage (no one hurt)
- A good marriage is built on trust, respect and knowing where the spare charger is.
- Marriage is a team effort. One person says, "Shall we pop to the shops?" and the other says, "We need milk." Both turn out to be right.
- The secret of a long marriage, I am told, is to say "yes, dear" and mean it. I have also been told to keep a straight face while doing so.
Father of the bride and groom's speeches
The father of the bride has a different job. The room is already thinking of tears, so a joke at the right moment is a gift. Light lines about the cost of the day tend to work: "I was asked to say a few words. I have been saying them for months, mostly while looking at the invoice." Never make the couple the butt of it; the spending is the target.
The groom's thanks speech works best with warm self-deprecation. "I was told to say thank you to everyone. There are a lot of you, and I would like it noted that I have only forgotten three names so far."
Where to put the jokes
Place your best joke second or third, once the room is settled. Do not start with your weakest line hoping to warm up. Finish on sincerity, not a joke: ask everyone to stand, raise a glass and name the couple clearly. A joke straight before the toast steals the moment.
What to leave out
- Exes, past relationships or anyone who is not there to defend themselves.
- Money, weight, age and health.
- In-jokes only three people understand. If you must, explain them in one sentence.
- Anything you would be embarrassed to say with the couple's grandparents at the front.
Read our advice on how to tell a joke for timing and nerves, or see the retirement speech jokes for a similar mix of teasing and thanks. For laughs that need no setup at all, try the puns and one-liners.